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MONDAY WITH MOM: Holding On and Letting Go
I just received the very first copy of “The God Box” from the printer. I look happy because I am. But inside, I feel so much more.
I have worked on this story in one way or another since my Mom died in 2006. First, it was just a little family tale I shared, then an article in Real Simple magazine and then beginning January of 2010, a full-fledged commitment to what’s grown to be The God Box Project. The past year and a half have been the most intense, digging back through my memories, back through the little scraps of paper she left behind. I’ve laughed and cried and best of all, reconnected with Mom in the process.
Writing about my family has been one of the most rewarding , difficult and joyful things I’ve ever done. The reward is that I’ve started to dream about my Mom. I was always a vivid dreamer-full color, action, music!- and yet for years after I lost Mom, she never turned up at night. But while writing this book, she’s front and center on my pillow, showing up in all kinds of happy, funny, beautiful moments, as if she were just part of my life. So, while some friends have commented, “I could never re-live such a sad time in my mother’s life,” it’s actually been rejuvenating for me, like having her back every day.
The difficult part of creating this book is that I want it to be perfect, as she was to me. I want to honor her legacy and tenderness for my brother and his family and for her many friends. Knowing that it’s printed and real, means it’s time to let it go and believe that it is enough. Mom was never about perfection. She was just about love.
And if the God Box helps others learn from her life and perhaps start their own God Boxes….well, that is the happiest thing of all. Here’s to you, Mom. Hands on.
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